The Definition of Intimacy
True intimacy is not the absence of privacy or the absence of boundaries or the absence of a separate self. We need to have our own spaces and limits and identity.
True intimacy is the absence of secrets.
True intimacy is what happens when the floor of our marriage is covered with our garbage, because we are two people dumping it all out and figuring out how to clean up the mess together. It may take a while and it may be gritty work, but we will find ourselves healing the whole time.