relationship skills

Creating Your Couple Bubble: East Bay Couples & Sex Therapy Tips for a Better Relationship

This intimacy building exercise is adapted from Dr. Stan Tatkin's Psychobiologial Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) and his book "Wired for Love."

East Bay Couples therapist, East Bay psychologists, East Bay Sex Therapy,

Creating Your Couple Bubble


By creating a “couple bubble,” you will be utilizing the power of the brain to create a sense of safety and a secure attachment both in yourself in your partner.  When this sense of safety exists, you’ll both be equipped to relax and bring your best selves to the relationship.


Your partner should embody your “safe zone” – where you go for respite and a feeling of being wanted and fully accepted. 


“The Couple Bubble is an intimate environment that partners create and sustain together that implicitly guarantees such things as:

•I will never leave you.

•I will never hurt or frighten you purposely.

•When you are in distress, I will do my best to relieve you, even if (especially if!) I am the cause of that distress.

•Our relationship is more important than my need to be right, what other people think, or any other competing value.

•You will be the first person I come to with information, not the second, third or fourth.

•I will always have your back.

•Our relationship comes first.


Exercise:  How close are you?


1. Do you agree with the guarantees listed above? If not, which ones would you remove from your list?

2. What other guarantees wouldyou like to give?

3. What guarantees would you like to receive?


Remember, you do not have to receive a guarantee from your partner in order to provide one.  Each day, look for moments in which you can express your feelings of closeness and promise safety in the relationship.


*The Couple Bubble concept is taken from “Wired for Love” and “Your Brain on Love,”by Stan Tatkin, PsyD

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The Definition of Intimacy

The Definition of Intimacy

The Definition of Intimacy

True intimacy is not the absence of privacy or the absence of boundaries or the absence of a separate self. We need to have our own spaces and limits and identity.

True intimacy is the absence of secrets.

True intimacy is what happens when the floor of our marriage is covered with our garbage, because we are two people dumping it all out and figuring out how to clean up the mess together. It may take a while and it may be gritty work, but we will find ourselves healing the whole time. 

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